Last week a drunk at the bar at the place I work said something to me that I found insulting. For whatever reason it really bothered me but instead of reacting I simply walked away and stewed. (Reacting could have cost me my job.) Close to midnight, with the music pumping and no orders to fill, I ran down to the basement and screamed my head off. It really helped.

Since then I've wondered why I should care what some drunk stranger should think. Surely it has to do with my own insecurities and lack of belief in my own worth. Being rejected by everyone I ever cared about should be a huge sign that I choose the wrong people to care about. I'm learning to make better decisions albeit slowly.

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whitesheep (30 Jan, 2007 05:21 a.m.):
Great advice, Dee Ann. This is something I struggle with daily.

Last week a drunk at the bar at the place I work said something to me that I found insulting. For whatever reason it really bothered me but instead of reacting I simply walked away and stewed. (Reacting could have cost me my job.) Close to midnight, with the music pumping and no orders to fill, I ran down to the basement and screamed my head off. It really helped.

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Better in a basement than to a scapegoat.

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whitesheep (30 Jan, 2007 05:21 a.m.):
Since then I've wondered why I should care what some drunk stranger should think. Surely it has to do with my own insecurities and lack of belief in my own worth.

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Perhaps the drunk stimulated the years of suppressed anger you (and all of us) naturally and rightly feel in response to scapegoating injustice

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whitesheep (30 Jan, 2007 05:21 a.m.):
Being rejected by everyone I ever cared about should be a huge sign that I choose the wrong people to care about. I'm learning to make better decisions albeit slowly.

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Don't lose your confidence in your choices, and don't become too suspicious of people (but be a bit wary - there's a helluva lot of a**holes out there too). As I've mentioned in recent posts, there are vicious circles going on in scapegoating, and the damage it causes us, our fear, pain and insecurity can sometimes really frighten people off. Keep working on recognising your virtues, value them, and others will value you.

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HardToBelieve (30 Jan, 2007 10:48 p.m.):

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whitesheep (30 Jan, 2007 05:21 a.m.):
Great advice, Dee Ann. This is something I struggle with daily.

Last week a drunk at the bar at the place I work said something to me that I found insulting. For whatever reason it really bothered me but instead of reacting I simply walked away and stewed. (Reacting could have cost me my job.) Close to midnight, with the music pumping and no orders to fill, I ran down to the basement and screamed my head off. It really helped.

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Better in a basement than to a scapegoat.

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Dee Ann (29 Jan, 2007 08:49 p.m.):
When someone tries to put someone down(or in a hole), thus blaming them when innocent(or throwing dirt at them),
the person can then shake the dirt off,
and after it falls to the ground,
stand on it.
You will be lifted up, as the dirt shook off piles up,
little by little.

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Well, as usual, I'm on the opposing side here...I do not agree with what you said....I do not think piling dirt up is a good thing...it is much better to sweep it away so you are not reminded of it and end up 'keeping score'. ...another reason why piling dirt up to stand on is wrong in my book, the implied height you rise to implies being better than someone else; towering over, looking down on....This is so wrong, as White can attest to with his quotatious faith in the writings of the founding fathers of the USA, "All men are created equal"....or maybe the Animal Farm is more right in adding "but some are more equal than others"? LOL

At any rate, if you really want to feel good about yourself it has to be about you and only you! Once you start to include others in what makes you feel good about yourself, you are screwed and you willl feel screwed, and as such, you will find constant need to screw over whom ever does anything you LET make you feel badly about yourself. In other words, no one makes you feel bad about yourself...YOU(generic 'you') will LET yourself feel bad and then blame it on someone else for MAKING you do it.