Not sure what you mean by speaking in "symbols". Like passive agressive stuff where they're mad about one thing but express that anger through other means? This can be extremely frustrating. Maybe you can give an example so we're on the same page.

Even though I try and be as direct and literal as possible its still easy to miscommunicate and confuse issues because different words and phrases have different meanings both to individuals and culturally too.

Thanks for posting.

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White_Sheep (02 Mar, 2007 02:36 a.m.):
Hi Annie,

Not sure what you mean by speaking in "symbols". (snipped)...Maybe you can give an example so we're on the same page.

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Dee Ann (02 Mar, 2007 02:06 a.m.):
Annie -
Yes I have known someone to talk in symbols when they knew they weren't getting to me with straight talk. They didn't get to me indirectly either because when they go there, I stop my input knowing it isn't going anywhere, except maybe into a brick wall.

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annie (02 Mar, 2007 11:47 p.m.):
hi white sheep - thanks for your e-mail. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I will try to explain the sort of thing I mean. For instance if someone says someone had started going to church meaning they have changed or someone having a heart attack meaning they have had a change of heart. - things like that. I know it might seem that I could be imagining these things but when I tell it to people close to me they agree with me, especially as the things pile up. Also I did have a reply from someone saying it happened to them so they know what I mean. I think these people do that because they haven't changed at all but want you to believe they have but, to me, as long as they are doing it "in the dark" and not saying it outright then there is a reason for that and that is that they haven't changed at all. Hope this helps - thanks

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So what you're saying then is that someone was a bad person to you ...then said they changed... (but in symbols) ...so you don't think they changed at all because they didn't say outright that they are no longer going to be bad to you?

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annie (03 Mar, 2007 04:00 p.m.):
Yes - that's about it - the person said something that hurt my feelings and instead of smoothing it over some way they kept on with their point and I would disagree with them but they still kept on, and on. I knew I couldn't say anything about it again as it wouldn't do any good and eventually it started in symbols which is insidious because I would answer back at face value and never know if they would take that symbolically and think I was communicating my thoughts to them that way although I wasn't. It really got me down bad at first and I stopped all communication but had to start again for family reasons and it started again. I think these type of people just have to be right or something and I think that a part of them knows they are being mean but they don't want to face that, hence the symbols. By the way I would only realize that they meant things in symbols after the conversation was over - at the time I was just talking to them and answering them at face value - in other words I never let on I knew that they were doing it - I think it's very cruel. Thanks for listening - I really appreciate it.

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Annie, I know what you're talking about. I have that same crap with my birth family.

I personally think my sibs think I'm attacking THEM when I defend myself and my emotions.

I have no justification for how they got that way, but I have some ideas....and here's my idea specific to my family....mom never let us kids work out anything...she saved the day her way...this meant the boys won over the girls because mom was clearly a Boy's mom....as most of the arguements mom settled by making the girls shut up and eat it involved emotions of not being treated fairly, the boys learned what mom taught them....that the girls whine to get their way, but are never right.

Now as we are old folks, my brothers still see any objection to anything on my part as me trying to get over on them some how. My sister has picked this notion up from them too in regard to me lately, even as they treat her the same way. I think her's (her notions about me) though, is a defense mechanism to keep from being hurt by me/the only sib who really cared about her pain on a consistent basis and accepted her colorful eccentric personality and all. I think she'd rather ruin our relationship herself and get it over with rather than take a chance on being hurt by any more family. (the abused has become the abuser, so to speak)