Once the path is started down that blames someone else…and I’m not talking about just unjustifiable blame, but real deserved blame too….the heat builds up so much and so much time is invested in the conflict that it just seems like there is no where to go with it but more of the same. People have a hard time with the reverse gear, especially in families where there hasn’t been an awareness of forgiveness/shit happens, so what/etc and was replaced with score keeping grudges just to continue to perpetuate that familiar safe path…a path that needs more fuel to keep going down no matter how old things might be.

It might sound strange for me to refer to this horrible path as ‘safe’….but it is safe in that the unknown is not safe…and that unknown would be IF one should stop on the path and change direction, well…we are then vulnerable to being hurt if we are rejected after we want to play nicely after being a shit for so long.

We have to trust that people are social animals and can change and do learn from conflicts….and we have to understand that people get pissed off!

In dysfunctional families, often pissed off is either too accepted or not accepted enough. There is a median in that. There is a median in everything. The whole life thing is a balance between chaos and order.

So I’m just saying, people need to find balance and get off the fast track to nowhere but pain. Unless a person actually enjoys being an asshole/jerk/tyrant/etc, I don’t see why they wouldn’t want this….except that they are afraid to trust they should still desire balance.

Sometimes it might be too late to trust. Maybe too much has happened. But that does not give reason to digging at old sores and staying on the downward path that feels good only because it makes you feel like you’re doing something about something when in fact you are only making chaos ironically in search of order….sort of like those who cut themselves to feel alive. If the trust is gone, let it go by never trusting this person again…but to get on the hate track is not a part of dealing with distrust.

In the end, the first path the healing is to heal yourself first….and it’s easy to do….just watch yourself for how you treat people who can’t do anything for you. That will be the real you. Once you find it, live by it with those who can do something for you.