Alice Miller completely disagrees with you: "Can forgiveness for the crimes done to a child be not just ineffective but actively harmful? It certainly can because the body doesn't understand moral precepts. It fights to make our conscious minds admit the truth and transcend our denial of genuine feelings. This is something children cannot afford to do. They have to deceive themselves and turn a blind eye to their parents' crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to repress their feelings. But if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others foot the bill." The Body Never Lies page 167
This is a consistent theme in her work. Forgiveness is not resolution but repression. It only benefits the perpetrator, not the victim.
My own experience bears this out:
Early on I told my family I forgave them for their wrongs. All that did was set me up for another round of abuse. Not forgiving them doesn't mean I'm still angry but it does mean I've learned not to trust them.
On the other hand, if they were to recognise they did wrong, sought to make ammends and over time proved they were changed people I could learn to trust them again. As it is, they don't want or deserve my forgiveness and I have revoked it. It is a useless concept.
I encourage others to explore and experience their own genuine emotions and feelings without seeking to forgive anyone. Anger dissipates when experienced not when the incident that caused it has been forgiven. Forgiveness is something religions preach to pacify the victim not to help them.
