| New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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Angel
ip: 207.200.116.72 |
| 1. New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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QUESTION:
What exactly is healthy acceptance that brings peace among family, friends and even neighbors? |
| Date: 14 Apr, 2007 on 08:26 p.m. |
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Angel
ip: 207.200.116.72 |
| 2. Re:New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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My Answer:
---I believe healthy acceptance is when we realize everyone is different & accept them the way they are, even if they irritate us thinking that maybe we irritate them too. Some people just irritate others, especially controlling types who hate not being able to control everyone. Even if someone is trying to irritate on purpose they still are not really doing anything wrong. Yesterday I was waiting for a train and there were no roads to block so those of us waiting for the train to pass left no space. This guy pulled up and started beeping his horn like there was somewhere for us all to let him in and there wasn't. After the train was gone I looked back a second and this guy was driving across a field. He irritated me but I just ignored him easily. ---Now when someone is mocking and attacking, that's a different story and we don't ever need to accept that kind of mis-treatment. Also, if they use ridiculous comparisons like describing someone's freedom to post prayers with someone else's freedom to be a serial killer, "not" accepting that person is healthy non--acceptance. Abusive and illegal actions also have to be rejected, not accepted. |
| Date: 14 Apr, 2007 on 10:07 p.m. |
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Loner
ip: 82.15.1.174 |
| 3. Re:New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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| My views on acceptance are much the same as yours. If someone irritates us, whether it be a bad habit or if they disagree with us, we have to accept that they are just being themselves and have that right just as much as we do. We dont have to be friends with them because that is our choice, but we should accept and respect their right to be themselves. When someone deliberately tries to hurt or annoy us we have a right to not put up with it. However if we can learn to see through that and see the hurt and anger they are feeling inside, it helps to stop us getting so angry because we see them in a different light. Pointing the persons anger out to them doesnt usually help because they will probably feel patronised and get even more angry. The best thing to do (the hardest thing to do aswell) is to just let it go and hope that the person will one day stop hurting. I think to do the above we would have to be saints but its nice to dream! |
| Date: 14 Apr, 2007 on 10:23 p.m. |
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Angel
ip: 207.200.116.72 |
| 4. Re:New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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Loner --
---I agree about the saint part
---I had an interesting experience on a cruise ship with my 14 year old son learning acceptance. The first night he almost threw himself off the ship while throwing off confetti and long thingies as we left port, which was the goal - He was too big to restrain and wasn't listening too good to Mommy verbally, so I just let it go that night.
-The next day as I was in line getting tickets to travel around paradise(Hawaii) I was complaining to friend about my son, when lady in line asked if she could speak to me alone. I couldn't believe what was happening with son, but went to speak with the sweet lady. She told me she had a problem with her son just like the one I was having with mine and proceeded to tell me what she did. She said if he's irritating you, don't say one word. Only say something if he's done something wrong and as we continued to talk, I was hopeful to put this lesson into practice. It didn't take long for 14 year old son to give me something irritating to work with. He was a very nice kid but 14 all at the same time
Situation:
Son was walking down the hall in ship where on both sides are doors to the rooms, and the top of the hallway which is pretty low ceiling. So there was 14 year old son walking, hitting the doors on either side "bam bam", and then the top of the ship with another "bam", driving me and who knows who else crazy. So I said calmly remembering to address only what was wrong, "Son, don't hit the doors on rooms, people might be sleeping. I didn't tell him not to hit the low ceiling because I couldn't think of how that was wrong. He immediately stopped hitting the side doors but continued to beat on the top ceiling with both hands like a drum as I remained impressively calm. Another incident(test for me) followed that might be a little long to explain so I'll just say it was another success and I felt pretty good.
---Well after the second incident, he stopped being irritating at all for the whole week, and we had a fabulous time. He was a real joy, even shopping with me and picking out the different perfumes that he thought smelled good etc etc. My temporary acceptance of his irritating actions made a whole vacation in Hawaii a joy and we did alot of things together.
---Acceptance really paid off. 
Loner (14 Apr, 2007 10:23 p.m.):
My views on acceptance are much the same as yours.If someone irritates us, whether it be a bad habit or if they disagree with us, we have to accept that they are just being themselves and have that right just as much as we do. We dont have to be friends with them because that is our choice, but we should accept and respect their right to be themselves. When someone deliberately tries to hurt or annoy us we have a right to not put up with it. However if we can learn to see through that and see the hurt and anger they are feeling inside, it helps to stop us getting so angry because we see them in a different light. Pointing the persons anger out to them doesnt usually help because they will probably feel patronised and get even more angry. The best thing to do (the hardest thing to do aswell) is to just let it go and hope that the person will one day stop hurting. I think to do the above we would have to be saints but its nice to dream!
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| Date: 15 Apr, 2007 on 12:31 a.m. |
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Angel
ip: 207.200.116.72 |
| 5. Re:New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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| Bringing new subject to top of posts |
| Date: 15 Apr, 2007 on 06:30 p.m. |
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Loner
ip: 82.15.1.174 |
| 6. Re:New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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| Your son is very lucky to have such an understanding mother. I can see your point here. If you had just told your son to stop completely because he was irritating you it may have made him feel a nuisance, but because you accepted his behaviour but asked him to stop banging on the doors for a good reason, he had no reason to feel that way. Just because someone irritates us it doesnt mean it is their fault and it doesnt mean we have a right to stop them. We in turn may irritate others through no fault of our own but we still have a right to be us. As we become adults we learn about consideration for others. This doesnt mean however that we should let others walk all over us and not let our needs matter.
Angel (15 Apr, 2007 12:31 a.m.):
I couldn't believe what was happening with son, but went to speak with the sweet lady. She told me she had a problem with her son just like the one I was having with mine and proceeded to tell me what she did. She said if he's irritating you, don't say one word. Only say something if he's done something wrong and as we continued to talk, I was hopeful to put this lesson into practice.
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| Date: 16 Apr, 2007 on 09:27 p.m. |
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| New subject . . . ACCEPTANCE |
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